You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
