Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
