i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
