I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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