I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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