did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
