Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
