Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
