i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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