That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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