My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
