he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
