She is in my trunk
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Randomize
