so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
