I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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