I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
When are your genitals available?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
