My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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