Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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