mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
