I wish my penis had an off switch
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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