THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
