Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
