So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
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