yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
