I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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