I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
