so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
