i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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