i just had sex bonerless
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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