Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize