hell yes lets make some ravioli
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
