i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
