just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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