I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
