i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
