He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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