Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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