Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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