My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
