I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
