Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I am in a vortex of obligation.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
