Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
