I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
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