So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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