He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
sarcasm needs its own font
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize