His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
