At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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