yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
