last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
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