I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
