Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
