You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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