I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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