We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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