I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
only if we run a train.
done.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
