I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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