All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize