Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
