the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
