She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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