Ambien. No doubt about it.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize
