Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
