I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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