i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
