fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i think i have herpe
just one?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Randomize
