I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Also, beer. Big fan.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
