I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
