My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
